After reading that some of you believe I may be a fan of The Smiths and laughing about that (has anyone ever seen me with a bunch of gladioli in the back pocket of my jeans?), I decided to write a typical diary entry a la Adrian Mole.
Bear with me on this one…
Monday
I arrived in my office at 8.45 am, feeling optimistic. By 9.30 am, the feeling had passed.
The first email of the day was from a buyer’s conveyancer asking for an update. This was unfortunate because I was waiting for an update from said buyer’s conveyancer.
I spent several minutes staring at the email in case there was some deeper meaning hidden within it. There was not.
At 10.15am an estate agent rang to ask if we were close to exchange on said matter. I explained that I was waiting for replies to enquiries.
“How many?” he asked.
“Only six.”
He sounded delighted.
I neglected to tell him that one of the six enquiries contained four separate questions and appeared to have been written by somebody auditioning for a detective drama.
Tuesday
Received a bundle of enquiries from another firm.
One asked whether a window installed in 1994 complied with regulations. Another requested confirmation that a drain shown on a plan was still a drain.
I was tempted to reply that if it had evolved into something else, I would certainly have mentioned it.
Professional standards prevented this.
Wednesday
On another matter, I telephoned the other side. I know this is unusual but I know (and so do you) that we are more likely to make progress by speaking with an actual human.
After listening to hold music that sounded as though it had been composed on a malfunctioning keyboard, I eventually spoke to somebody.
They promised a call back.
This was exciting.
I enjoy making new discoveries.
For example, today I discovered that “I’ll call you back shortly” can also mean “not at any point this week”.
Thursday
A client asked why conveyancing takes so long.
I began composing a detailed explanation involving searches, enquiries, mortgage lenders and legal investigations.
Before I could finish, another email arrived from the other side asking for an update.
I considered forwarding it as evidence.
Friday
At 4.52pm I received an email marked URGENT.
Completion, it said, needed to happen next week.
The chain was not ready. The mortgage funds had not been requested. Several enquiries remained unanswered.
Nevertheless, everyone was apparently “keen to proceed”.
This is one of the great constants of conveyancing.
Nobody is ever keen to answer enquiries. Everybody is keen to proceed.
I left the office at 5.30pm.
As I walked to my car, my phone buzzed.
It was an email from the other side’s conveyancer: “Just chasing”.
I admire the consistency.
This column is written by a real high street conveyancer who wishes to remain anonymous. The views expressed are those of the author and not those of Today’s Conveyancer.
Read more in Today’s Conveyancer every week.
