I was having a discussion with some colleagues, one of whom was about to go on holiday, and he mentioned to me how dreary out of office messages can be. It strikes me that as lawyers, we are somewhat cautious in what we write for an out of office message. But during the conversation, it became apparent to me that all lawyers have this pent up need to write the wittiest or most observant out of office message but do not do so, as we do not want to upset anyone or appear unprofessional.
My colleague provided an example of an out of office message he had seen (albeit not from a lawyer) which read
“I’m out of the office enjoying my life. I hope this place burns to the ground in my absence. If I don’t stumble into a giant pile of money, I will return to deal with whatever b***s*** you are emailing about.”
We all laughed at this but it is the case that lawyers and other professionals would never write something like this, as much as we might want to!
If we were given free rein and knew that there would be no retribution for writing an out of office in this style , what would your write?
“I am on holiday. Upon my return, I will be deleting everything in my inbox. If your email was actually important, please send it again when I return.”
“I’m on holiday. Which means I’m only checking emails when I need to look busy or escape a family drama or crisis.”
“I am currently out of the office and stuck in a chain. Not a property chain—just a chain of cocktails on a beach.”
or how about…
“I am not out of the office; I am simply ignoring you. Please try again when I am in a better mood.”
My favourite is this which came from another colleague; I think that we can all identify with this:
“I am now away because there is more to life than speaking with you and I also have a life. Hopefully when I am back, you will have moved house but who knows? I don’t know if your emails will be read or monitored while I am away but I hope that when I am back, you will appreciate all the hard work I put into your move before I went away.”
We all do out best, day in and day out, but we are not respected in the way we should be, we need to increase our fees without clients still asking for a favour or complaining that we are more expensive than the firm down the road, and clients need to know the pressures we are under and all of the regulations within which we work. We give our best and work hard every day. We all deserve a break.
This column is written by a real high street conveyancer who wishes to remain anonymous. Read more in Today’s Conveyancer every week.
